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Comedy lovers have a thang

for Ms. Jones

 

Retha Jones, a native of Los Angeles, tried her hand in modeling where she did a few runway fashion shows in Los Angeles. After her brief stroll down the “cat walks”, Retha was cast in a 50 city tour with America’s number one black stage play, Shelly Garrett’s Beauty Shop.

Shortly after her return from the Beauty Shop tour’s closing in 1991, Retha’s decided to pursue a career in stand up comedy. She has since been literally tickling funny bones across America having made several television appearances on BET’s Comic View, Comedy Central’s Premium Blend, HBO’s Def Comedy Jam, and NBC’s Last Comic Standing where she reached the semi finals.

Retha can also be seen in various film and television projects such as UPN’s One on One, Lifetime’s Strong Medicine, and Breakaway Film’s My Big Phat Hip Hop Family.
When in Los Angeles, Retha can be found at the World Famous COMEDY STORE where she has performed as a paid regular in all of the clubs spectacular rooms for over 10 years. She recently spoke to Bean Soup Times publisher Toure Muhammad and shared her life experiences and infectious laugh.

What’s up sister?
Hey, what’s up?

I heard your childhood dream was to become an Olympic track star?
Yeah, that was a dream. Then I woke up. Oh, when I woke up it was like I had a hang over.

How far did you get?
When I was a child, I was really skinny, unattractive child that they made fun of. Like Sling Blade, they made quite a sport of me. (laughs) They made fun of me, called names. Boys never liked me so to get some type of positive attention, I took to sports. I was always a really fast runner. When I got to high school I didn’t mean to run track. But Valerie Brisco, you know the ’84 Olympic champion? We grew up around the corner Brisco’s. She came and got me when I got to high school and told me to run track. I was one of the better ones, but was never a champion like Valerie. I ran in college, but I had no business running track. It never panned out.

Then you went into modeling?
That’s another thing that was not my idea. Just because you’re skinny, everybody in the neighborhood said I should be model, but that didn’t pan out. Nothing pans out.

OK, but now, did you CHOOSE to go into comedy?
Naaaw, what had happened waaas (laughs) I ran into an agent who said I should be an actress. I said OK and went and took some classes, because I didn’t have a natural talent for that.

But you were cast in the highest grossing stage play in American history?
Well, what had happened waaas. (laughs) I got lucky. I auditioned. Got a call back and went in straight from work and all I did was answer a few questions and I had them laughing. I didn’t mean to, I just kind of goofed up and that’s who I’ve always been. I’ve always been an absolute nut. Never been the class clown, but I was always a nut. So with Beauty Shop Shelly (Shelly Garrett, producer of Beauty Shop) just hired me and made me his secretary. Later, after being around about 100 shows, I knew all the lines, all the dance routines, everything. He finally let me be in the show. I never asked. 

Really? But you were ready huh?
By that time I was happy with being company manager, executive sec, but he said, ‘I’m going to put you in Beauty Shop.’ I was scared to death then (laughs). Thousands of people watched that play. So I got to be in the play for almost a year. And along with that cast, there were two or three people trying to be a stand up comic. I was reading a book by Judy Carter called Stand Up Comedy: The book. 

She went on Oprah Winfrey in 1988 and said that she could teach anybody to be a stand up comedian. She said, ‘as long as you have a life, you can be a stand up comedian.’ So now, in ’89, I’m on tour with Shelly Garret, so I take the book with me. That book got passed around for that whole two years. I went to the seminar and my prayer to God was this. ‘You know I didn’t have no business running track Lord. You know I definitely didn’t have no business trying to model and I ‘showl’ ain’t no actress. But I’ve always been kind of funny. God if this is what you want for me, make it so I know. Make me be the one she chooses for a demonstration or something like that Lord.’ 

And needless to say, she needed some volunteers for a demonstration, I became one. And she asked me a question, like what are you going through in life. ‘I said I’m unemployed. She said, ‘what does your family think about that.’ I said, ‘well my dad think I’m just being lazy. She said, ‘well, what does your father say?’ He tells me, ‘you just being lazy,’ you should just get a job.’ She stopped me, and said Retha, ‘I don’t want you to just tell me what you father says, I want you be to your father, do your father,’ then she turns to the class and says, ‘this is what you call an act out. If you talk for anyone else, you become that person.’ 

And that’s something black folks always do. So naturally, I became my father and the people loved it. I killed them.

You got your sign, huh?
Yes.

You mentioned not getting attention as a child. I hear a lot of good comedians have parts of themselves growing up they didn’t like and that made them a great comedian.
I think that some of the better comics out there do have esteem issues and personal issues. We all have some personal issues.

So how do you deal with people who say you are evil?
People saying I’m evil?

Mo’Nique
Oh, skinny women are evil. (laughs) I ain’t studding Monique. Fat women are angry. (laughs) we might be evil, but they are angry. Hating, player hating. No. I’m playing. I love Monique, I did a lot of early shows with Monique before she got famous. It was appropriate that she made it big the way she did. I got to open for her in Sacramento. (hee,hee,hee) it was a big show and everyone was there to see her. But shoot in my 30 minute show, you know what I had to say. I said to the audience. ‘Where my skinny girls at?’ So the women clapped and I said, “ok, let’s talk about our issues before Monique comes out here and desecrates the hell out of us.’ And they hollered and needless to say, I ripped the room. ‘I said, I’m skinny. I’m not fine, I’m just skinny. I’m crackhead skinny. Monique ain’t talking about me. She talking about people like Halle Berry, women with great shapes. I wish I was them *&^%$ too (laugh) I can’t stand them either Monique.’

I’m sure Mo’Nique liked that huh?
She was pleased with my show. She said I made a great compliment to her show. (laughs) Because I’m truly skinny. I don’t know why I say skinny, here some size 8, size 9 woman hollering, ‘yeah girl you talking about us.’ Naw, I ain’t talking about your fat ass. You three inches away from being obese. Some women are delusional. When I say skinny women I mean skinny getting mistaken for a crack head skinny. I mean Whitney Houston, after the pipe skinny. I mean G-string bagging on you skinny. (laughs) So I’m not evil, I’m just perturbed.

Well you don’t seem evil at all. Were can folks find more info about you?
People can check me out at www.rethajones.com.

And I found you on myspace.
Ooh, that myspace is the crack space. (laughs) If you ain’t on myspace, something’s wrong with you. (laughs) We need to ban all the kids from myspace.

You are too funny. Thanks sister.
Thank you.